Not This Time

I have been thinking about what I would write for this post.  Two days ago, we found out that my hCG level had dropped to below 2, which indicates I miscarried our little poppyseed.  I went through (and am still experiencing) sadness for the loss of this life that we would have gladly accepted into our family.  I take heart in knowing that Craig's Dad will be accepting this little one into his arms in heaven and that we'll get to hold him/her when we get there eventually, too.

I am sad, but I'm not disheartened.  I was doing some reading online and found a quote from ESTHERIRISH on www.laughwithusblog.com that spoke to me:  “God is good, and I may never understand, but He is in control, and He is going to work all of this out for my good and His purpose.”  We will embrace whatever is in His plan and keep moving forward.  My mantra going into this whole trying-to-conceive process was "whatever happens, happens."  It still is.

I can still hold other people's babies and enjoy the moments.  I can still rejoice in hearing the good news that my friends are expecting.  I can still go to baby showers and be excited for the mother-to-be.  God never gives me trials that I can't overcome; each one makes me stronger.  With His guidance, I will become the woman I'm supposed to be, whether that includes children or not.  Craig and I will still be great as Aunt & Uncle to all the children that need us in the meantime.  Hope still flourishes in our home.

I'll never forget you, little poppyseed.